Lonely Weekend Singles Club #7: Hot Shots 2

When I talked about the first installment of Action and the Raff, I was sure that they hijacked one of the best beats I’ve ever heard. I mean, nothing against these two, but that beat was destined for something greater, right? Now, I’m not so sure. These two are firing on a weird cylinder– like they’ve taken the governor off of a golf cart for the sheer mayhem on the course. The free-association massacre that is “Hot Shots 2″ leaves me reeling. What am I supposed to do with lines like Bronson’s “You got a nice white dick/ that’s what the sistas say/ (thank you).” He THANKS them. What of the completely brilliant absurdity of Riff Raff? “Poppin fifty collars/ might be Barry Gordy./ Pterodactyl dashboard/ Seats prehistoric/ DINOSAUR.” I’m speechless. He touts himself as the rap game’s Dr. Huxtable. I’m laughing. Of course, they bring in another rapper to ruin the experience (the atrocious Dana Coppafeel), but the beat, THE BEAT. How are they getting these beats? Who did they kidnap? I must know.

The lesson here? I might like these dudes for a whole album/mixtape together. Get weird fellas. I’m down. Maybe you will be too. Give them a shot: DINOSAUR.

Lonely Weekend Singles Club #2: Ignore the Rappers, It’s the Jam

This week’s installment of the singles club is a strange one. I’m featuring Action Bronson and Riff Raff’s “Bird On a Wire” which belongs to those names as much as the beach belongs to a cottage owner. From the introduction of the rolling bass line and the first 80′s style hook, this is a Harry Fraud joint. Dude’s a good producer, being billed as an up-and-comer by magazines paid to ignore up-and-comers. He’s a darling of rap blogs. The fact that Riff Raff– a soulja boy tell ‘em offshoot bro and MTV “star” of “From G’s to Gents”– is on this track just shows how much money soulja boy is gonna throw around to get his people good beats. Bronson is a mediocre rapper with some good songs sprinkled throughout his career. He slows his Ghostface-style flow down to fit the beat and it is pretty obvious he is the talent here. He drops a couple jewels, including my personal favorite “Tailor me a leather suit/ on some Jodeci shit/ Bi-coastal, man/ We supposed to be rich.” It’s a faux-DOOM flow which works since he and Raff are just background noise anyway. I’d like to personally thank Riff Raff for only staying on the track for like 30 seconds and letting the beat ride proper. Also, thanks for dropping 30 brand names into that 30 seconds. You have a really bright future ahead of you.

Back to the backbone: this beat fucking knocks. I want to drive a flying car over every American city with more than 200,000 people in it, urinate on park-trees and keep this beat on blast. I want to carve this beat into my shoes using esperanto. I want to figure out the world’s hardest rubick’s cube with only this beat as my guide. I want to live inside this beat while it stares lovingly at its two mothers from a swimming pool. Even the programmed drums are perfect. It’s my jam. I hope it can be your jam too. What would it take to get Meek Mill to freestyle over this? Can we get some good rappers to jump on it? If anyone hears anything, let me know. Until then, I’m on my “ignorance is bliss” grind, this song turned all the way up on computer speakers until the MP3 leaks.