Let’s say you’re watching a horror movie where the villain is this Lovecraftian beast, as old as time itself. Despite its gargantuan size and blob-like physique, this beast can move with the force of a rhino and the agility of a mongoose. It has the insouciant attitude of a high school bully in his third senior year. It could maul an asthmatic little girl, then turn right around and high-five his beastly bros while they all chuckle like dumb stoners.
And just as this beast is lurching toward one of its victims, ready to strike- suddenly you see the zipper on the costume start to unzip. Then the dude inside the costume jumps out, looks right into the camera and plays 6 verses of “Oh Susanna” using armpit farts. Continue reading ‘The Melvins: The Bride Screamed Murder’