
The opening chord of For If You Cannot Fly is not just a power chord: it’s the battle cry of my 1990s. Let me back up a moment. The measurement of a band should be their battle cry. Whether it’s political, personal, or metaphysical, the first chord, the first song, the first ideas should be the thesis. What makes an album a spiritual experience? The fact that an experience is shared? Vague, yet introspective lyrics? I’ve always thought it was the opening chord, the first intriguing notes that bring the listener in. And maybe no better first lines, personally, exist than: The last time that I spoke to you, I said some pretty mean things. It didn’t feel good, but I felt better.
Amongst the albums in my collection that I’ve listened to hundreds of times, so many of them have become noise. I can do anything while they are on: write, read, sleep, etc. They are worn out grooves, markedly unsurprising songs, background pulse. Small Factory commands my attention no matter what is happening or who is around. For If You Cannot Fly has been with me through cardigans, military school, collegiate strangeness, growing into adulthood, funerals, sunny days, boredom, clutching sanity, breakups, relationships, NC, NYC, VA, NC again and now onward. On the right day, the days when I am not whoring for attention– the days where no one can really hear me and won’t ask me about the particulars– this is one of my top five albums.
I don’t want to share this album unless you are going to love it. I can’t listen to people badmouth something so personal. It would be you saying that riding with my sister to high school was boring, my drunken walks home through Astoria boring, my nights alone trying to write boring. It would be calling me boring. Albums frequently transcend the listener-creator relationship, but others are beholden to a different mindstate altogether. For If You Cannot Fly isn’t just an album I absolutely love: it’s an album I want to recreate. It’s an album I hold inwardly important, and it’s one I have trouble describing or talking about. Describing the conversational lyrics, the three-singer lineup, the two halves (as if it were written for vinyl/cassette, side A is completely different from side B), the way it starts as a sloppy punk album, descends into noisy indie and settles into alt-folk-alternative, it is all too strange for me. The album runs a gamut of emotional spheres and it works.
Ed. note: I’ve split the review into two “sides” as an homage.








